zeldathemes
I'm Alex and this one time I almost got shot by a guy with a fake gun
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*tour guide voice* and if you look over here ladies and gentlemen you can see my amazing ass

drunktrophywife:

if you’re going to insult me please give me 24 hours notice so i can come up with a comeback

whorecrux-harry:

"Don’t kid yourself" would be a great slogan for birth control pills

when your friend takes more than one of your fries

rneerkat:

mirror mirror on the wall. sofa sofa over there. desk desk in that corner. im so glad im getting this home renovation

satanslittlewh0re:

this is the best pun in tv history but oh my gosh the feels

seifukucat:

[walks into pet store puppy area wearing a huge coat]

[shuffles quickly out of pet store in a much tighter fitting coat]

reblog if you’re a milf

ribbu:

there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me

it’s called the throne

harmalade:

harmalade:

newt safe for work

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darrynek:

*dips your opinion in salsa and eats it*

relahvant:

people who use Facebook as a diary should have their Internet access revoked

online:

when the PE teacher makes you run

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